So – oh well.

We had a weekend of family visiting for my father-in-law’s 75th birthday. They aren’t a fall-down-drunk type of family, but if fewer than two glasses of wine are consumed per person, it’s an odd night. I had resolved not to drink – but I broke that resolution.

I have the usual cornucopia of emotions around it all, compounded by covid-fatigue (trying to work from home with my small kids is the worst. I just hate it). I’m just going to not try to analyze the feelings right now, will just feel them, go for a run once my husband gets onto his parenting shift, and make plans to do wonderful things for myself later today like eat the chocolate I’ve hidden away from the rest of my family and bake some rhubarb shortbread.

It occurred to me that one of my irritations with the Quit Lit is so many of these authors tell stories of their rock bottoms, and then tell stories about their early sober days and how great sober life is now – but very few recount details of the countless stops and starts in the meantime. Again, I considered being dishonest here because I find no joy in telling you all that I drank again despite wanting not to, but I thought that for posterity, it’s important to keep it real and be honest about the stops and starts.

Sober momentum is what I’m going for here. There’s some magic number where it will hopefully click but I know I’ve gotten nowhere near it in my past attempts. In the meantime, I just continue to gain a bit of momentum then come to a crashing halt.

I did download Belle Robertson’s new Relapse minibook today so will see what new shreds of wisdome I can gain from there on doing it differently this time! Hosting a big family celebration was probably too big a challenge for early sobriety but it had been planned for months and there was no avoiding it so – oh well. That’s all I have to say about that! At least I had the foresight to send the half-empty bottles of wine home with my sister-in-law and dodge that bullet.

28 thoughts on “So – oh well.

  1. I can relate to the relapse conundrum. Seems like there are a gazillion blogs out there where people gleefully share how they just quit and never looked back. I f***** WISH. Hang in there. Glad I found your blog, thanks to Shawna over on Finding a Sober Miracle. Take care. ((((HUGS)))) 💜 (Purple heart for the alcohol wounded).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Social stuff is my most difficult thing. I thought it would be stopping drinking at home but actually I got over that fairly quickly. Lockdown has meant I have avoided the social engagements which I think has helped me stay sober. I found last Christmas tough and was exhausted my the end .. just one long battle. I find I need AF drinks to help me through and I have to be able to walk away or leave whenever I’m ready. No questions asked. I haven’t hosted anything myself because I can’t feel ‘stuck’ somewhere without a drink.

    Keep going, stay blogging and you will do it. You are just working out your own path through xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Remind me how far into your sobriety you are? And yeah, that social event for my in laws was surprising. Everywhere I turned were bottles and glasses of wine whispering sweet nothings to me. We tend to host a lot of overnight guests at our cottage and I’m realizing how hard that’s actually going to be.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 7 months today actually!!!
        Take a read of some of my earlier posts … social stuff was hard work for me! Still can be so I always make sure I have that ‘get out’ planned before hand. I tell my husband that if I want to go I’ll go, he can stay but I don’t want a scene and loads of people asking me why etc. That has helped enormously xx

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I second what Dwight said! You are doing so great by getting up again and staying accountable. Warrior on! (have you read Glennon Melton at all btw? Carry On Warrior (book based on her years-ago blog, Momastery), and Love Warrior (as you might be able to tell from the titles, this is where I’m getting the warrior-speak from ;)). I keep her blog link and other links on the front end of my site btw if you want to check out other resources.

    By the way there is also Nelson’s WP blog at OneDrunksTale.wordpress.com… Nelson blogs about his journey on and off the sobriety wagon for the past couple of years or more. WP reader link: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/11682705

    Took me many tries before starting sobrietytree to get this far. I had two other blogs before this (still visible – one on wordpress, it’s bloomwords.com) which experimented with sobriety and failed several times over. This sobriety-focussed blog helped me a lot, but I was truly ready by then perhaps. I had a secret time frame as well – one year of sobriety. I didn’t announce it on this blog because announcing things meant I sabotaged them in the past.

    Social things are tough. I didn’t try to manage big social gatherings (or social gatherings of any kind with drinkers) in early sobriety this time around. I avoided them like the plague. Both hosting and attending.

    Many hugs to you. Keep up the good work. 🤗💛 xoxo nadine

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha! Maybe I shouldn’t have named my goal in my handle! Lol 😂 I’ve started reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle and am having to take my time reading it as there’s so much to think about (I left Christianity, like she did, although I didn’t do it in order to marry a woman, but there are still a lot of experiential overlaps in what she talks about). Thanks for the encouragement, regardless. It’s nice to have such a soft and kind safety net here.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha well for some people an announced goal works very well but for me not so much lol. You can always start a new blog anyhow if you thought it would help. (Whatever gets the sobriety-lover sober lol.) Much love and good wishes xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Be kind to yourself. The fact that you are disappointed means you want to try again. Keep being honest with yourself. We are here with you.
    Go for that run. Have a hot bath. Do whatever makes you happy.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I definitely had too many to count restarts. Once I went 6 months then another time 9 months. When I started blogging about it here I was ready. I was sick and tired of the nonsense and loved myself just enough to say I’m worth not putting poison(for me) in my body anymore. It does take time to “click within” no doubt. No matter how many restarts you have to remember you are a super hero getting back up and trying again. Chin up always my friend🤗. You will do it!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. There is no magic number when people stop drinking. I had stopped 1000+ times, than drank again. In the end for me, I had enough pain and suffering. The affect of alcohol was no longer working. My problems didn’t go away after a drank a bottle or two. No one promises we’ll stay sober the rest of our lives. There are no guarantees. Even after 10 years of sobriety I drank. Despite my knowledge of sobriety and alcoholism, I knew the dark path I was traveling down and STILL I drank. Seven months later I ended up where I am today, back with a year and nine months sober. The question I asked myself this time around, “Have I had enough?”

    Liked by 4 people

      1. The hardest part is when the cravings start because our addiction wants us to believe that alcohol “will make it all go away”. Again, does it? No, it just makes things worse. If we forget the pain and turmoil or simply ignore it altogether, we certainly are going to drink again. Fight it. We all had to until we got other tools to use. Just don’t drink for that day, go to sleep and repeat the process the next day. That is best suggestion I can give people new to sobriety. But along the way you are going to need more tools to use, you have to find that path. Perhaps give AA a try for the first time or again. It saved my life twice now and I live by its principles.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s the reality for most, I think, but you’re right that it seems to be rarely in the literature. Try Holly Whitaker’s book. I think she talks at least some about her stops and starts at the beginning. 🤗

    Liked by 2 people

      1. She has a very particular perspective. I found it interesting and helpful, but she could be seen as a little heavy handed at times. You may or may not like it. Take what helps. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I actually took a break from her on instagram for a while. She’s very honest about the challenge of her anxiety which is good, but — this sounds terrible — was also a real downer for me! But maybe a heavy handed approach isn’t a bad thing in my early days here?

        Like

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