Relieved and wary (Day 1)

Technically yesterday was my first full sober day in a while, so I’m on Day 2 now, but I think it helps to not count the day until it’s complete! I did decide to count publicly again, purely for my own accountability.

So – I’m relieved. Relieved for a morning with no regret (just a crackin’ headache and exhausted in spite of the alleged 7.5 hrs of sleep my Fitbit claims I got). Wary because I have been here so. many. times.

We had a flurry of family stuff the last ten days and I drank 9 of them. I learned that I need to stop being so private and scared about my sobriety. It’s a tiny precious baby. By not protecting it out of fear of judgment or being “other” with my in-laws, I am being an incredibly neglectful caregiver.

I think it’s simple, actually. The drink that calls me is wine, and my in-laws consistently bring over a box and leave it on the counter. I will just ask them to not leave it on the counter! If they put it somehwere out of site, where I can’t sneak a glass when others aren’t looking (as if they cared – I haven’t told any of them I’m trying for long-term sobriety), I will be less likely to cave.

Also, honestly, I need to limit my exposure to the heavy-drinking side of the family for a while. It was a brutal couple weeks with a couple different events and I regretted every single time I decided to drink. The only “good” thing about it was having a few bonding moments with my sister-in-law, whose relationship with her brother/my husband is not good and full of a lot of insecurity and judgment. It felt like I was rebuilding a bridge a little by relaxing and chatting.

But – that could be done sober too. I just don’t actually sit and chat sober because I’m either chasing littles or trying to cook or sleeping! And – oh wow this sounds horrible to say – I actually like her better when I’m tipsy and don’t care as much about the contradictory nonsense and excuse-making that comes out of her mouth all day long.

Whoa, hello Judgypants. Guess it’s not just her own brother who judges her.

That was a little bit of a rambling tangent there but the point is: I’m relieved to be off the pop again, as the Brits like to say. But I am wary because I know I sink all too quickly into confidence and out of vigilance. I’m layering my sober tools like a sonofagun this time. I started a new sober app that has a daily pledge with a picture of my two cherubs to remind me why I’m doing this. We all deserve a better me!

14 thoughts on “Relieved and wary (Day 1)

  1. Awareness of our problems is part of the first step in sobriety. Like many others have mentioned, just for today. Now comes doing something about it. To say your going to do something is one thing; actually doing it is the toughest part for an alcoholic. Don’t think about it, just do it! 🙂 Happy to have you back sober.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just bought this elderflower cordial syrup (Catherine Gray talks about elderflower drinks a lot) and it’s WONderful! I’ve been mixing it with soda water in a low concentration and having it chilled on ice.I’d like to get more into mixing my own tea spices too. Will have to look for pomegranate!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. We really are Sober Twins; there’s a lot in this that resonates with me, especially liking a person more when tipsy. Lol! There’s one in particular…ah, who am I kidding, I’m not fond of her tipsy, either. 🤣

    Sober tools…yep, on those, too.

    It’s really hard when those around you drink, especially heavily. There needs to be more blogs about people in our situation.

    Sober Twins activate!…sorry, that just popped into my head. Power Rangers, I think?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A day at a time and good so far. It’s the constant reminders to self about why you’re doing this that really helped me. It really does get easier and you’ll not regret it. Btw haven’t heard anyone call it “pop” over here in years 😉x

    Liked by 1 person

      1. He did always say it with a bit of a cheeky grin so maybe he knew it was out of date! I can just hear the specific way the word “Northerners” would sound in his accent, lol! Thanks for bringing me back.

        Like

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