14! Well, almost. :)

Technically I need to make it through tonight to get to two weeks sober but I have zero doubt I will so I’m calling it early. 14 days!

Last time I was here was about this time last year. I had lots of short stints, 2-4 days at a time, between then and now. I had a couple that were 10 ish, a couple that were 6-7, but haven’t cracked through that two week barrier in a year.

Honestly, I think the brainwashing is starting to pay off. It’s taken a year and a half of reading and rereading and testing and observing and honestly a lot of periods of not caring and drinking with wild abandon. But I think the facts I’ve been learning about booze are starting to stick.

Here’s what’s changing:

  • I’m starting to be able to truly play through to the bottom of the bottle. I can hop past the romanticized relief of the first glass and see myself with the last glass, sloppy and fuzzy, staying up too late and already feeling guilty, anticipating the shame of waking up.
  • I’m questioning what my brain tells me: “it’s Friday and you deserve to get lost in a bottle of white to celebrate the warm autumn sun and the end of a long week.” Hang on: is that true? Is it actually relaxing? Does it ever play out like I imagine it will? NO. I have small kids and relaxing on a Friday is not something they’ve learned to do yet. Plus, it’s not actually relaxing. See next point.
  • I’m learning to see the truth of the first glass too. Even without the kids around, it’s never as peaceful and blissful as I imagine, because that first sip just wakens the beast who wants more more more so immediately I start contemplating and feeling anxious about my next glass. When is too soon to refill? Is my husband watching? Can I sneak a glug out of his glass? Oh shoot he wants more too now there’s even LESS for me!
  • I really like other fizzy things on ice. Like truly do! Not only does ginger beer taste good, but I could have 7 and no one would bat an eye. But I wouldn’t have 7! One does the trick! Maybe this is how “normies” feel about one glass of booze!

Mostly I assume the brainwashing is really taking effect because it’s been two weeks and I’m nervous to even write it down but — it’s been pretty easy. It’s never been easy before! It’s mostly been agony. But this time I Just. Don’t. Want. It. I’ve had a few cravey feelings but I can immediately see them as false external thoughts and brush them away as not real and not important.

The thought of forever is still terrifying so I won’t commit to that. I know I’ll do 30 days and am pretty sure I’ll do longer but even the fact that 30 days isn’t terrifying is testament to how different this current time is.

For the record, I still feel tired as hell. I’ve been going to bed at 9 and feeling really fine about that. I truly hope that perks up soon because I’d like to start to have time to exercise along with working, momming, wifing and taking care of the house and geriatric dogs!

Anyone else remember when they stopped feeling bone-tired?

15 thoughts on “14! Well, almost. :)

  1. So yes, I was bone tired and went to bed early for a while but that picked up. I still feel tired in the evenings now on occasion but I’d take that over the days I used to drag myself through feeling lethargic and plain crap due to booze. I think the tiredness in the early stages is the constant thinking about not drinking, sobriety and the inner battle you engage in. That reduces and you have more energy for other things. When I started I did not have a long term goal. I said one week, then 30 days, then 100 days but never told myself forever. Some days I just had to tell myself ‘one more day’ which worked for me. I reached 300 days yesterday and weirdly I still don’t ever think about it in terms of ‘forever’. I suspect over time you think less about the days, weeks, time periods. They become less of a focus point. That’s the case for me anyway.

    You are doing brilliantly and 14 days is such a great achievement. Congratulations. Super post too xxx


    1. Thanks Claire! This is helpful to read, and you’re so right about the energy spent on “working” my sobriety. I’ve been up at 6 to do my challenge videos and journaling, and maybe once it’s over and I’m a bit more steady I can use that time to move my body. Feeling like a creaky old chair even though I’m only 37!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well done! This is a big milestone and your mindset sounds fab – once you bust the myths in your head then you can’t un-know what you know so it just isn’t fun anymore and then it is easy. I think the tiredness is very individual – depends on age, how long been a heavy drinker etc – your body needs time to recover but it will! 💞💞⭐️⭐️👏👏👏

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 14 days is amazing. I was completely the same, bone weary tired. But now I have oodles of energy. In the middle of 3 weeks it started to get better. I read somewhere (maybe in Jason’s book) it’s the toxins coming out your bones, but I could’ve remembered it wrong. The best bits are yet to come xx


  4. That’s awesome news! Definitely some mental shifts and truth discovering going on. I’m a bad one to weigh in about being tired because I feel like I’m always tired. Mom of three, wife, teacher, keeper of the household, etc. I swapped exercising for going directly to the wine when I got home from work and I find that working out gives me more energy in general. Keep going, and just take it day by day instead of predicting/projecting/betting against yourself. You deserve this change! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

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