Day 21 and emotional overwhelm

I am obviously one of a large group of recovering alcohol misusers who is also navigating parenting small kids through covid and forest fire fallout so I know that what I have to say isn’t new.

But guys, this is hard. Really fucking hard.

I think it’s mostly hard because I haven’t dealt with tough life stuff sober in many, many years, so I’m not only dealing with tough life stuff but I’m stretching muscles I haven’t used in a long time and attempting new coping mechanisms too. I’m not tempted to drink, thank god (well, except for sort of residual knee-jerk thoughts to go grab wine), but I can’t say it wouldn’t be nice to bliss out of existence for a hot second today.

Instead I’ll just say, this is hard. It’s okay that it’s hard. Feeling that it’s hard is good for me, just feeling it and accepting it and not reacting to it with a manic drive to DO SOMETHING to fix it. This is what life is supposed to be like! Generally content and happy with spikes of euphoria and dips into “this is hard” feelings.

So, no drinking today. I will plan a sober treat for later (I see ice cream in my future), and I will go for a walk and admire the red sun, and I will be okay with it just not being a great day so far. It’s only 10 AM. Lots of time for things to turn around.

14 thoughts on “Day 21 and emotional overwhelm

  1. Ditto to the above comments … hard, tough, challenging but oh so worth it. Once you go through some hard times and know it’s ok, it really does help you feel more resilient. You can do it. Get that ice cream. I had sooooo many treats in the first 6 months. It’s essential 😊💕💕

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  2. You’ve got this. I had a couple of hard days around 20- 40 days (I have a very lovely but testing Step daughter), and was so proud after not drinking. It’s about stretching the resilience muscle, but oh gosh it is hard to stretch.

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  3. YES it is so hard, the continuing pandemic and dealing with small children / distance learning. I don’t have the forest fires part, but am facing a MN winter soon :-/ But the hardness is one of the reasons I decided to do this now – I thought, if I deal with this winter by drinking, I will quickly go downhill. I MUST learn other ways to cope. New habits are hard. But the tried and true stuff – getting outside, carving out alone time (yoga!!), and staying socially connected help a lot. Starting over on week 1 again here and it’s not even cold yet so we’ll see how I swallow my own advice…

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    1. Ha! You know, I think half the battle of sobriety is learning the facts then testing them with “bad” behavior so we really trust that it’s true! At least that’s how I justify my many many many day 1s prior to this current bout (second longest sobriety stint outside of pregnancy and closing in fast on my record with no signs of slowing!

      Liked by 1 person

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