Day 30 Morn’

Here I am, starting out Day 30.

Outside of pregnancy, I have been here twice in the last 15 months or so. The last time, I was shocked and surprised that it was all still so hard.

This time, I’m neither shocked nor surprised that it’s all still so hard… 🙂

I was pretty smug in the first few weeks as I had next to no desire to drink. But the last week or so has been hitting me really hard for some reason . The best way I can describe it is grief over all the parts of boozing that I loved.

I’m trying to just be okay with it. As the sober wisdom tell us, as drinkers, we were well-accustomed to drowning out hard emotions in our glasses and never actually deal with them. I don’t want to judge the grief, because the relationship with wine wasn’t all bad (until it was). I don’t want to spend time on regrets because that’s a waste of energy.

Long-term, I know I won’t miss booze. Like the guy I dated for four years in my 20s, finally broke up with, cried for a while, missed him for a while, and now think of with COMPLETE and UTTER gratitude that I ended it when I did. My life is infinitely better without him.

I’ve said it before, but wine was a shitty friend to me in the end. I may think of our good times with some sadness, but also with faith that the cloud will lift and I will lose the grief, moving on to gratitude only.

Today, at 30 days, I am grateful to be moving through this and not be stuck anymore. Here’s a booze-free cheers to all the other hardy souls out there also working hard to keep moving!

10 thoughts on “Day 30 Morn’

  1. There is a lot of grief that comes with change. This doesn’t mean the change is wrong…it just reminds us that we life familiarity and letting it go is scary.
    I think back to when I quit and I really cling to the belief that drinking was making my life more fun, fulfilling, etc. And losing it would be sad and empty. I was so wrong. Life free of booze has been anything but.

    Acknowledging grief is important. Respecting how we feel, no matter how odd, is important. That’s how we learn who we are!

    Keep going. There is so much more.
    Stillness and peace
    Anne

    Like

  2. Yay to 30 days! Yes, wine is not a good friend. It’s the kind that ditches you in a bar at 2 a.m. to walk home by yourself through a scary neighborhood so it can go home with a smarmy guy it just met. Or, the kind that tells you all week how excited they are for your party, promises to bring something important, and then blows you off. You’re better off without it! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s