Here I am, starting out Day 30.
Outside of pregnancy, I have been here twice in the last 15 months or so. The last time, I was shocked and surprised that it was all still so hard.
This time, I’m neither shocked nor surprised that it’s all still so hard… 🙂
I was pretty smug in the first few weeks as I had next to no desire to drink. But the last week or so has been hitting me really hard for some reason . The best way I can describe it is grief over all the parts of boozing that I loved.
I’m trying to just be okay with it. As the sober wisdom tell us, as drinkers, we were well-accustomed to drowning out hard emotions in our glasses and never actually deal with them. I don’t want to judge the grief, because the relationship with wine wasn’t all bad (until it was). I don’t want to spend time on regrets because that’s a waste of energy.
Long-term, I know I won’t miss booze. Like the guy I dated for four years in my 20s, finally broke up with, cried for a while, missed him for a while, and now think of with COMPLETE and UTTER gratitude that I ended it when I did. My life is infinitely better without him.
I’ve said it before, but wine was a shitty friend to me in the end. I may think of our good times with some sadness, but also with faith that the cloud will lift and I will lose the grief, moving on to gratitude only.
Today, at 30 days, I am grateful to be moving through this and not be stuck anymore. Here’s a booze-free cheers to all the other hardy souls out there also working hard to keep moving!